05/04/2004
Justin
10 new religions
Hi, I've started 10 new religions for those interested in Pascals wager.
Religion 1. In order not to go to hell, you must eat exactly one banana a day.
Religion 2. In order not to go to hell, you must eat exactly two bananas a day.
.
.
.
Religion 10. In order not to go to hell, you must eat exactly ten bananas a day.
Unfortunately if you choose randomly, the odds of you going to hell are 90%, and the odds of getting into heaven are 10%.
In addition, at any time in the future, I reserve the right to add additional constraints that may or may not conflict with your previous dogma, such as eating any bananas at all will damn you to hell.
Not everyone is a winner, but good luck everyone!
Religion 1. In order not to go to hell, you must eat exactly one banana a day.
Religion 2. In order not to go to hell, you must eat exactly two bananas a day.
.
.
.
Religion 10. In order not to go to hell, you must eat exactly ten bananas a day.
Unfortunately if you choose randomly, the odds of you going to hell are 90%, and the odds of getting into heaven are 10%.
In addition, at any time in the future, I reserve the right to add additional constraints that may or may not conflict with your previous dogma, such as eating any bananas at all will damn you to hell.
Not everyone is a winner, but good luck everyone!
05/04/2004
Matt
Maybe it's time to launch an Arctic Banana Crusade. Convert the pagans to the church of Chiquita now!
05/04/2004
St. Chris
Day-O!
No, for me it's the banana song from Sesame Street, a much more agreeable little ditty.
Tell me, my friend, did you ever see
Banana growing on banana tree?
Well, you may see seven or you may see three
But you'll never see one alone. Count:
Chorus:
One banana, two banana
One for me and one for you banana
Count three or four or even more banana
'Cause banana can't grow alone
Well, this banana, she's a pretty sight
She wear a yellow dress in the bright sunlight
She got her friends and neighbors to the left and right
'Cause banana can't grow alone. Just count:
(Chorus)
Well, I think banana is like you and me
Needing friends and neighbors and a family
Let us take a lesson from banana tree
'Cause banana can't grow alone. Everybody sing!
(Chorus x2)
How can you not love a religion with Muppets?
Tell me, my friend, did you ever see
Banana growing on banana tree?
Well, you may see seven or you may see three
But you'll never see one alone. Count:
Chorus:
One banana, two banana
One for me and one for you banana
Count three or four or even more banana
'Cause banana can't grow alone
Well, this banana, she's a pretty sight
She wear a yellow dress in the bright sunlight
She got her friends and neighbors to the left and right
'Cause banana can't grow alone. Just count:
(Chorus)
Well, I think banana is like you and me
Needing friends and neighbors and a family
Let us take a lesson from banana tree
'Cause banana can't grow alone. Everybody sing!
(Chorus x2)
How can you not love a religion with Muppets?
05/04/2004
Dan
How can you not love a religion with Calypso?
No doubt the muppets do make religion more appealing. Or maybe it's the calypso. I find the books of Bokonon from Vonnegut's Cat's Cradle pretty appealing, no muppets there, but the teachings are all in calypso rhythm:
Bokonon asks us to sing with him:
Oh, a sleeping drunkard
Up in Central Park,
And a lion-hunter
In the jungle dark,
And a Chinese dentist,
And a British queen--
All fit together
In the same machine.
Nice, nice, very nice;
Nice, nice, very nice;
Nice, nice, very nice--
So many different people
In the same device.
Books of Bokonon[http://www.cs.uni.edu/~wallingf/p
Of course Bokonon is up front about things that most religions try to suppress:
I wanted all things
To seem to make some sense,
So we could all be happy, yes,
Instead of tense.
And I made up lies
So that they all fit nice,
And I made this sad world
A par-a-dise.
Bokonon asks us to sing with him:
Oh, a sleeping drunkard
Up in Central Park,
And a lion-hunter
In the jungle dark,
And a Chinese dentist,
And a British queen--
All fit together
In the same machine.
Nice, nice, very nice;
Nice, nice, very nice;
Nice, nice, very nice--
So many different people
In the same device.
Books of Bokonon[http://www.cs.uni.edu/~wallingf/p
Of course Bokonon is up front about things that most religions try to suppress:
I wanted all things
To seem to make some sense,
So we could all be happy, yes,
Instead of tense.
And I made up lies
So that they all fit nice,
And I made this sad world
A par-a-dise.
05/04/2004
Chad
I can dislike these types of religions thusly:
AAAH. It's stuck in my head. I can't think of anything else. Mental functions ... ceasing. Losign abliyt ot tyep.
*vacant stare* *drool*
AAAH. It's stuck in my head. I can't think of anything else. Mental functions ... ceasing. Losign abliyt ot tyep.
*vacant stare* *drool*
11/04/2004
Chad-Michael
Mormon Python's Flying Circus
Speaking of Mormons, have you ever taken them up on their free copy of the book of Jesus Christ and the Latter-Day Saints? I did, just because it was free and so I could delight in saying, Thanks, but no I don't want to talk to you now.
I never made it far into the Book of Mormon, the supposed third testament to the Bible. It's freaking ridiculous! I'd subscribe to the Church of Chiquita and blindly sacrifice my first-born child to the Great Peel before being sucked into that Monty Python-esqe language written by someone who nibbled on the wrong damned mushrooms.
Ridiculous, I tell you!
Praise the Peel.
I never made it far into the Book of Mormon, the supposed third testament to the Bible. It's freaking ridiculous! I'd subscribe to the Church of Chiquita and blindly sacrifice my first-born child to the Great Peel before being sucked into that Monty Python-esqe language written by someone who nibbled on the wrong damned mushrooms.
Ridiculous, I tell you!
Praise the Peel.
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