In the present case, he discusses The art of the Insult as an art should be discussed:
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22/09/2006
Teucer
The art of the Insult
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More and more I am seeing people who just do not have the ability to appreciate the insult as a form of art. These poor folks just don't seem to understand the fact that the creation of a proper insult is a fine art that requires patience and creativity, instead they take the lazy way out with such pathetic attempts as "You're an ignorant mother-fucker!"
To combat this trend I have decided to initiate a set of guidlines to enable people to be more effective at using insults.
More and more I am seeing people who just do not have the ability to appreciate the insult as a form of art. These poor folks just don't seem to understand the fact that the creation of a proper insult is a fine art that requires patience and creativity, instead they take the lazy way out with such pathetic attempts as "You're an ignorant mother-fucker!"
To combat this trend I have decided to initiate a set of guidlines to enable people to be more effective at using insults.
22/09/2006
Teucer
Rule One
Keep an eye on the objective of the insult.
Usually the objective is to make it known that you are superior to the recipient in some way. Lets look at a basic insult:
You are a mother-fucker!
As you can see by the example, the insult falls short of establishing your superiority because of it's very crudeness and lack of imagination.
By lowering the tone slightly and expanding on the basic premis this insult can become much more effective:
You are just upset because your mother told you my cock taste better than yours.
See? Your superiority is established because while it is socially acceptable for you to have sexual relations with his mother, his doing so constitutes incest which is not acceptable behavior. You have also made it plain that even his immediate family finds you superior to him in some way.
We can go further by adding something that highlights your superiority while also highlighting his inferiority. This is easily done by appearing to be willing to help him overcome his shortcomings.
You are just upset because your mother told you my cock taste better than yours. Perhaps if you bathe more often this wouldn't be an issue.
Usually the objective is to make it known that you are superior to the recipient in some way. Lets look at a basic insult:
You are a mother-fucker!
As you can see by the example, the insult falls short of establishing your superiority because of it's very crudeness and lack of imagination.
By lowering the tone slightly and expanding on the basic premis this insult can become much more effective:
You are just upset because your mother told you my cock taste better than yours.
See? Your superiority is established because while it is socially acceptable for you to have sexual relations with his mother, his doing so constitutes incest which is not acceptable behavior. You have also made it plain that even his immediate family finds you superior to him in some way.
We can go further by adding something that highlights your superiority while also highlighting his inferiority. This is easily done by appearing to be willing to help him overcome his shortcomings.
You are just upset because your mother told you my cock taste better than yours. Perhaps if you bathe more often this wouldn't be an issue.
22/09/2006
Teucer
Rule Two
Originality counts.
When engaged in a contest of insults, more is accomplished by originality than anything else. You should avoid insults that have been used so often they have lost effectiveness and instead find new ways to bring the same point across. Compare "You bastard!"with something along the lines of "I was going to marry your sister, but your family objected once they found out my parents were married."
Addressing a third person is acceptable if it furthers this goal. If you are a female you could always try something along the lines of: "I was going to marry (recipient) but the wedding was called off when his family discovered I was a virgin. They stated, 'If she ain't good enough for her family, she ain't good enough for ours!'"
When engaged in a contest of insults, more is accomplished by originality than anything else. You should avoid insults that have been used so often they have lost effectiveness and instead find new ways to bring the same point across. Compare "You bastard!"with something along the lines of "I was going to marry your sister, but your family objected once they found out my parents were married."
Addressing a third person is acceptable if it furthers this goal. If you are a female you could always try something along the lines of: "I was going to marry (recipient) but the wedding was called off when his family discovered I was a virgin. They stated, 'If she ain't good enough for her family, she ain't good enough for ours!'"
22/09/2006
Teucer
Rule Three
Play the audience
Especially in a public forum it is important to realise that you are playing to an audience. For this reason it should be at the forefront of your mind to not only insult the intended recipient, but to entertain the audience as well. Keeping the tone light and helpful goes a long way towards this goal as you can subtly (or not-so-subtly) hint that you are astonished by the reaction of the recipient. After all you are only trying to be helpful in a completely rational manner. Watch what I mean with this example:
"You mother-fucker!"
"Sir, are you upset because your mother informed you she thought my cock tasted better than yours? Perhaps if you would bathe more often this would no longer be a problem.
"Leave my mother out of this, asshole!"
"Sir, there is no reason to get upset, I'm only trying to help. I already apologised for talking her into shaving her back, what more do you wish me to do?"
"That's it, I'm gonna hunt you down and wring your scrawney little neck!"
"Sir, there is no reason to get personal here. I have already decided to end it with your mother. Although she is amazingly imaginative in bed, your mother has said that she no longer feels comfortable in our menage a trois and issued an ultimatum. I will be restricting my involvement in your family to your sister in the future."
As you can see, by playing to the audience itself instead of responding to the over-used and ineffective insults of the other party, you will keep the attentionm of any observers while at the same time highlighting the ineffectiveness of the recipients insult skills.
Especially in a public forum it is important to realise that you are playing to an audience. For this reason it should be at the forefront of your mind to not only insult the intended recipient, but to entertain the audience as well. Keeping the tone light and helpful goes a long way towards this goal as you can subtly (or not-so-subtly) hint that you are astonished by the reaction of the recipient. After all you are only trying to be helpful in a completely rational manner. Watch what I mean with this example:
"You mother-fucker!"
"Sir, are you upset because your mother informed you she thought my cock tasted better than yours? Perhaps if you would bathe more often this would no longer be a problem.
"Leave my mother out of this, asshole!"
"Sir, there is no reason to get upset, I'm only trying to help. I already apologised for talking her into shaving her back, what more do you wish me to do?"
"That's it, I'm gonna hunt you down and wring your scrawney little neck!"
"Sir, there is no reason to get personal here. I have already decided to end it with your mother. Although she is amazingly imaginative in bed, your mother has said that she no longer feels comfortable in our menage a trois and issued an ultimatum. I will be restricting my involvement in your family to your sister in the future."
As you can see, by playing to the audience itself instead of responding to the over-used and ineffective insults of the other party, you will keep the attentionm of any observers while at the same time highlighting the ineffectiveness of the recipients insult skills.
22/09/2006
Teucer
Rule Four
Keep calm.
Remember that the entire point of engaging in a contest of skills is not only to look superior, but to make the recipient lose his temper. Once someone loses their temper they become much less able to think creatively and intelligently.
If you lose your temper it is probably best to walk away than to continue the contest. If you continue it becomes easier and easier for the opponent to appear superior. You can always return later and continue the contest after calming down.
Remember that the entire point of engaging in a contest of skills is not only to look superior, but to make the recipient lose his temper. Once someone loses their temper they become much less able to think creatively and intelligently.
If you lose your temper it is probably best to walk away than to continue the contest. If you continue it becomes easier and easier for the opponent to appear superior. You can always return later and continue the contest after calming down.
22/09/2006
Teucer
Here's one of my favorites.
There is a female poster on another forum that will probably get this one soon. It has a pretty good tone and no profanity is used at all.
Dearest (insert female moniker here),
Obviously you are still upset with me. As I have already explained what happened I am at a loss for why this is, but perhaps a more thorough apology is in order.
As I explained at the bar where we met, I was pretty drunk and tired when you invited me back to your place to show me how flexible you were. The fact that I fell asleep while you were on top of me really shouldn't be construed as a criticism of your romantic abilities.
As you recall, I also informed you that I was an international secret agent. The fact that I never called you afterwords has nothing to do with your excessive body hair or inadequate personal hygene. As I was leaving your home that morning (and I would like to point out here that I was nice enough not to wake you) I noticed a KGB assination team staked out across the street. It was simply too dangerous for me to contact you any earlier.
I also wish to apoligize for your brush with the Health Department. I was required by company regulations to report any sexual activity and you were determined to be the individual I contracted that particular disease from. I can't be blamed for everything, however, you should have known that engaging in carnal knowledge with your dog was illegal. If you had had the foresight to close your curtains beforehand they never would have witnessed you in that embarrassing and illegal position. Sorry I couldn't post your bail, but I was engaged in a rather delicate operation at the time. I have made inquiries into getting "Fido" returned to you, but it doesn't look promising at the moment.
As far as your sister is concerned, perhaps you didn't realize that she was an IRA operative and I wasn't actually getting romantically involved. I was using a well established interrogation technique to "pump" her for information.
My Sincere Apologies,
Teucer
Dearest (insert female moniker here),
Obviously you are still upset with me. As I have already explained what happened I am at a loss for why this is, but perhaps a more thorough apology is in order.
As I explained at the bar where we met, I was pretty drunk and tired when you invited me back to your place to show me how flexible you were. The fact that I fell asleep while you were on top of me really shouldn't be construed as a criticism of your romantic abilities.
As you recall, I also informed you that I was an international secret agent. The fact that I never called you afterwords has nothing to do with your excessive body hair or inadequate personal hygene. As I was leaving your home that morning (and I would like to point out here that I was nice enough not to wake you) I noticed a KGB assination team staked out across the street. It was simply too dangerous for me to contact you any earlier.
I also wish to apoligize for your brush with the Health Department. I was required by company regulations to report any sexual activity and you were determined to be the individual I contracted that particular disease from. I can't be blamed for everything, however, you should have known that engaging in carnal knowledge with your dog was illegal. If you had had the foresight to close your curtains beforehand they never would have witnessed you in that embarrassing and illegal position. Sorry I couldn't post your bail, but I was engaged in a rather delicate operation at the time. I have made inquiries into getting "Fido" returned to you, but it doesn't look promising at the moment.
As far as your sister is concerned, perhaps you didn't realize that she was an IRA operative and I wasn't actually getting romantically involved. I was using a well established interrogation technique to "pump" her for information.
My Sincere Apologies,
Teucer
